Ask Alma: I Can’t Have Kids and I Haven’t Told My Fiancé

Ask Alma: I Can’t Have Kids and I Haven’t Told My Fiancé

By Alma Gill (NNPA News Wire Columnist)

Dear Alma,

I’m getting married in three weeks and I couldn’t be happier. My fiancé is the best man I’ve ever met and he loves me like a queen. All of our wedding arrangements have been made and he is so loving and generous; he paid for everything. I knew from the moment we met, that I wanted to be with him and I want to spend the rest of my life loving him. Our relationship is perfect except for one thing. I know he wants to have children, that’s all we talk about and I wish I could, but I can’t. I’ve known since I was 23 years old. This has been a heartbreaking reality for me and the only other person who knows is my sister. I didn’t tell him when we first met, it just never seemed like the right time. I can’t tell him now that we can’t have children, because I don’t want to ruin our life together.

I know that we’re meant for each other. I am praying that I may be able to have a miracle baby; I know it happens. I’m 37 and I know if we don’t get married now, I never will. I don’t want to live my life alone. I want to be happily married and have my husband for the rest of my life. My sister is my maid of honor and she’s threatening to tell him. I told her, I will disown her if she does. I think she’s just jealous of my future husband and our relationship. How can I stop her from ruining my life?

Signed,
Hiding a Terrible Secret

Dear Secret,

Um, did I miss a sentence? How is your sister, the one who’s telling the truth, ruining your life? Oh no, Miss Thing, you gotta own your decision of deceitfulness.

You’re absolutely “azzbackward” in this treacherous portrayal of a partnership and I promise you that your “azzbackwardness” will come back to haunt you.

Having a child is a sacred bond between two people and should not be taken lightly. I could see if you didn’t know you couldn’t have children, that’s one thing, but to already be aware of this information and not share it with your future husband is vicious and vindictive. Yes, I said it, you’re selfish, self-centered, shim-shammy and not to be trusted.

The only happiness you’re willing to acknowledge is your own. How one sided is that and who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is constantly tilted to the left? You’re so blinded by what you want and what makes you and only you happy. That’s pathetic.

I hear you when you say there have been miracle babies, yeah, um, it happens, but it also doesn’t happen, more than you want to admit.

Tell your fiancé, now, right now. He has a right to know about your medical condition. If you had been up front the entire time, I’m sure he would understand and remain committed to walking this path of life with you. I find the fact that you’re comfortable drowning in a sea of “conniving and cunning” quite troubling. In your head, disowning your sister is the “right” thing to do, if she discloses your secret. So, much so your logic is to disown your sister.

Chil’ please. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it.

Whatever comes your way is what you deserve. SMDH, I hope your sister does tell him the truth and I hope you keep your promise and disown her, both of them will be all the better for it.

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.