Ask Alma

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Husband Doesn’t Defend Wife 

Dear Alma,

My husband accidently dialed my cell phone number and I heard him and his friend talking about me. His friend was saying that I talk about my husband behind his back and that I’m always talking about how much money I make and how I take care of everything, which I do. He was going on and on, saying that I call him nasty names and always saying how he is just a low life, good for nothing and that my husband shouldn’t just sit around and take that from me. Here’s the kicker, my husband didn’t even defend me. This man was talking about me like a dog and my husband did not respond or do anything. My feelings are so hurt. This is my fourth marriage and I don’t want to break up my marriage, but I don’t understand a man that doesn’t stand up for his wife. How do I get my husband to be a man and defend me like he should?

Let’s step back and talk men for a minute. Usually when grown-aged men have a conversation, it’s short direct and to the point. They don’t add unnecessary words. They give it to you straight, just like they order drinks at a bar. When having a conversation with a man, what he says is what he means. It may not be what you want to hear, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t what needs to be said.

Now here, I got your back sister sassy, it’s heartbreaking to not be defended by your husband, but TBT, you should be familiar with that action, or lack thereof. If it’s true what his friend is saying, your husband doesn’t defend himself, which is why he isn’t defending you. Here’s a tablespoon because I know you can only swallow small doses of constructive criticism.

Yes, there’s no doubt, it cuts deeply when the one you love, leaves you standing all by your lonesome. But here’s my question to you: Are you really talking about your husband that bad in public?  Even in private, that’s jacked. Are you unbearably demanding? Are you using obnoxious and hateful words towards him?  I’d say yes, sounds to me like you’re bullying him and that’s just not cool. Don’t be disturbed, I’m not just defending said friend, honestly it appears, you need a checkup from the neck up, and no one has enough nerve to tell you.

Listen to my sound advice and let it take root. Re-evaluate your actions and take responsibility for them. In due season, we all reap what we sow, and right now you’re sowing some seeds of foolhardiness. That phone call was no accident. It was the universe giving you a dose of what you deserve. I’d suggest you turn your world around and start using the wise counsel you’re ready to douse all over your husband. Hear me when I say, men protect what they respect. Offer your husband the respect that he deserves and he’ll start to safeguard the love you share.

Alma

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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