Ask Alma

Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Dating Frat Brother’s Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Alma,

 My frat brother is getting married. We graduated over 15 years ago and so much has happened since then. We’re all successful and living the lives we dreamed of. This is his second marriage and we’re all very happy for him. Many of us stay in touch and recently out of that constant connection, his ex-college girlfriend and I have become more than just friends. We haven’t told anyone yet. I’ve never been married and she’s soon to be divorced. We thought maybe we could go to his wedding together and that way everyone would find out at the same time. Since we can’t ask any of our friends, I thought it would be a good idea to ask what do you think?

DeAngelo M.

Arlington, Va.

Hi D,

I appreciate you taking the time to email me. Blessings to your frat brother on his upcoming nuptials and I hope you guys have a blast celebrating. Now that I’ve salsa danced through the niceties, brace yourself, here comes the twirl – No, I don’t think you two should show up to show out. You know as well as I do, there’s a place and time for everything. This ain’t the place. I know yawl excited about being each other’s new Boo, but this moment belongs to them, him and his new bride. The two of you would be the rumor at the reception and ain’t nobody got time for that, LOL. Hold out a little while longer and attend separately. If your relationship continues to proceed on a positive note, you two will be able to post some pictures on Facebook, after the wedding, like everyone else, LOL. Pause for the cause, and prayerfully what goes around will come around.  The fact that you two elect to exercise some patience, hopefully will produce a gleeful groomsman and ex-boyfriend, who’ll be happy for you both.


Not Singing Her Praises

Dear Alma,

Recently a woman joined our church and has joined the choir. She relocated from out of town, so none of us have a longtime relationship with her. We, as in our choir, love her dearly but she is too loud. When she talks you can hear her all the way down the street. She’s so loud, it’s embarrassing. You know when she arrives for choir practice because you can hear her all the way out in the parking lot. She seems to really like me and we talk often. Of course now I’ve been elected to tell her. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do you suggest?

 Sherree from Alabama

Hi Sherree,

Looks like your new friend hasn’t learned how to use her inside voice and you’ve been nominated the one to teach her. I know it’s a tough assignment, but you can do it. There’s no easy way to slide into this home run, so why don’t you just take it head first. Don’t make it a long conversation, say it and let it go. The next time she’s shouting, whisper in her ear, inside voice, smile and keep it moving. Yes, it will take more than a few reminders, but your concern is honest and sincere. As long as you don’t put her on the spot in front of everybody, I think this approach can be heartfelt, nice and easy. The outcome, fingers crossed, will be one she eventually learns to accept and appreciate.


Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to:  Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.