Ask Alma

Ask Alma

Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Can’t Get Friendship Back to Normal

I have been best friends with the same person for the past 10 years. We always got along and never got into any major arguments. About 8 months ago we started working in the same office. Once we started working together, we hung out a lot more (carpooling to work, happy hours after work, lunch together during work). But recently (about a month ago) we got into a little argument and it got to the point where we worked together for two days and did not even talk to each other, which is completely out of character for both of us. We usually call/text and hang out every day, even after spending 8 hours at work together! LOL

About 2 days after our argument I decided to be the bigger person and hash everything out.  I figured our friendship was way more important than a little argument. Things started to get back to normal but I also noticed that there was a different vibe between us. I had a separate conversation about this with her and she claimed that it was nothing. After that talk, we hung out and talked for hours but after that day, we haven’t hung out outside of work. And I’d say this day was about 2 weeks ago. A pattern began where we stopped hanging together outside of work and stopped calling to check on one another. I often felt like I was the only one putting an effort in to acknowledge our friendship and try to hang out and talk. This week is her birthday and we usually get expensive gifts for each other (concert tickets, designer clothes, last minute weekend getaways). I don’t know if I should get her anything like I normally would or should I just get her a card. What do you think?

E.K., Atlanta

Hey now EK, I’m so happy to hear about the wonderful friendship you are able to experience, sustain and maintain for so many years. Your words unfold like it’s more than just a basic friendship and 10 years is a long time. Your email describes a true-blue, sister-girl, BFF. Many of us participate in one of those. My niece, Leah, and her BFF, LaTia, for example. The most famous of all sister-girl friendships of course is Oprah and Gail. I, too, live it with my BFF Dee, we’re ride or die, to the end. It’s been more than 20 years for us.

This type of girlfriend, ride or die relationship will dance through the stages and ages of life.  Surviving the misunderstandings, heartbreaks, marriages, children, loss of a loved one, I could go on, but you get the picture. This is your first crash on the BFF roadway of life. Don’t let it rattle you, girl, check your seatbelt and keep it moving. TBT, there are many more to come. What matters is, you don’t let go. Hold on to the special bond the two of you share. As for her gift, buy her something fabulous, something she can share. You know how sisters do, LOL. You’re participating is what wise, full of wisdom women call an unconditional sisterhood, a lifelong kinship ~ cherish it. It’s the best kind, she’s your sister not by birth but by choice.

Alma

My Brother Broke News on Twitter

Dear Alma, My brother got a new job in a new city and posted it on Twitter, really! He didn’t even call me or our parents to tell us first. I think that was wrong, do you?

Julia

Hi Julie,

In a word, yes. So use this occasion as a teachable moment. Call him and say, ‘Hey brother of mine, the next time you have news like that call Mom and me before you post it on social media.  We’d appreciate the special ‘family-knows-first’ treatment and heads up on what’s happening in your life.” Don’t offer any shade or why-u-gotta-be inquiries, now that you’ve schooled him on the sibling code of behavior. Save your “I’m your sister…” showdown for the next go round, cause I’m sure it’s coming, LOL.

Alma

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com.  Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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