Ask Alma

Alma Gill

Alma Gill
By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

Dating a Serial Cheater

Dear Alma,

This may be a silly story, but I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating about six years now. We’ve had our ups and downs and all, but this by far has been the worst I’ve ever felt. He cheated on me with my BFF. I found out five months later because my “BFF” (who is no longer a friend) decided to text me and tell me. So when I confronted him about it, he kept lying, saying she came on to him first, but she would say he did first. I didn’t want to believe it at first because I trusted him SO much, but then I got a couple other calls from a few other women saying that he’s been messing around with them as well. That’s when I knew he HAD to be cheating. Of course, I was heartbroken and all that, but I just don’t know what to do…I wanted to get married have kids, etc. I wanted this relationship to work, talk out our problems, but at the same time I’m not letting no man cheat on me. I need some advice!

 

This isn’t silly. You’re a bright girl, and you already know what to do.

Like so many others, you could wait until after you’re married and after you’ve had kids, while he continues to mess around on you, if you’d like. Marriage doesn’t prevent someone from cheating. You don’t get married and then all of a sudden become honest. And TBT, I’ve got a feeling that part of your relationship will never change.
For the past six years, you seem to be comfortable parked on the road of deception. Enough is enough. When he crossed the line with your BFF, that was your cue. It doesn’t matter who initiated it. Both are liars. Don’t just drop her; drop him, too.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive him, offer her the same courtesy. It will bring you peace of mind. They both are equally to blame. Stop, rewind, play it again. I think my sistah’s need to hear me one more time – they are BOTH equally to blame!

For the sake of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, girl, Let-Him-Go! You may not feel it today, but after you’ve moved on, you’ll be on your knees shouting a prayer of thanks, wondering why you stayed so long.

Chalk this up as a life lesson. In your next round of relationships you’ll recognize those red flags immediately! Different names, same games, but no worries for you. Professor Experience has taught you well.

You don’t need my advice — you need confirmation. So here it is. I’m giving you permission to walk away. Believe that you’re able and capable of being a part of a lifelong, loving relationship, filled with honesty and respect. You’re so close; take that leap of faith. Don’t look back.

Over time, as your heart is mending, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful you’ll be with this decision. It’s a blessing you’ve got to feel for yourself.

Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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